Before feelings of loneliness and isolation get you down, know that you can take steps to nurture relationships with friends and family. The first step is to acknowledge that all of these people care about you and they each have their own way of reacting to your cancer.
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Some people might want to ask how you're feeling, but they don't know what to say. Or maybe they think they'll upset you. Start the conversation yourself. Let people know that you welcome their questions, or that you don't wish to talk about your cancer at that time. Get that out in the open too.
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Friends and family are going to ask you if there's anything they can do to help. Plan ahead and come up with ways for people to give you some assistance, whether it's helping around the house or just being there for you when you need to talk. Your friends and family feel good when they can help you.
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Be honest about what you can do and what you can't do. If you aren't ready to assume responsibilities for things, don't. But tell your family what to expect so that they aren't left wondering. When you're ready to take up your prior duties, let your family know that these tasks can help your daily routine feel more normal and can help in your recovery.
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Some people will withdraw from you and that's OK. These people don't cope well in stressful situations and this is their way of dealing with your cancer diagnosis. Don't expend a lot of emotional energy trying to patch up relationships that weren't strong to begin with. Invest your time and energy in the friends who are closest to you.
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You'll get questions about your cancer and your treatment. Decide how you'll answer these questions, especially if someone asks questions you don't feel comfortable answering. In some situations you might let the person know that you don't feel comfortable answering those questions. Other times you might avoid answering an uncomfortable question by changing the subject or redirecting the conversation.
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Some friends or family might not invite you to do things because they presume you aren't yet ready for social activities. Let these people know when you want to be included or ask someone else to relay the message for you.
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You'll have times when you feel that people who don't have cancer can't understand what you're going through. Talk about your feelings with other cancer patients and survivors, whether those circles of support are groups in your community or at online message boards. Support groups are also available for cancer survivors' friends and family. Suggest these to the people closest to you.
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Speak with your social worker, psychologist, G.P, nurse or anybody that will listen. Ask them to put you in touch with the onTrac@PeterMac team; they have ideas on ways to help you communicate with your friends and family.
It's entirely possible that everyone in your family and in your circle of friends will be supportive throughout your treatment and recovery. But chances are that you will run into a few relationship obstacles. Think ahead about how you'll deal with potential problems.
